and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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