I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
