So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
