I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
