Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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