Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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