i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
