im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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