Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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