So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
