I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
