Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
