Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
