also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
