Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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