she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
