i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You work out of a Hotel?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
