If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
