did you get engaged???
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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