The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
