Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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