Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
