u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
