Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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