i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
