shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
