how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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