i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
