Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
