matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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