then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
