Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
