He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
