I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
