walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
