Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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