Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
