just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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