I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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