did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
