Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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