Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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