Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
operation have a gay friend backfired
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
