My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
