just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
