so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
