i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
A+ Viking dick
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
