just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
