What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
