Need sex. Gaining weight.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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