she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
